


We burnt out, that's what you do

by nupoxsi



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Wives No Kids, Angst, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 08:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1068072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nupoxsi/pseuds/nupoxsi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fernando saw Llorente walking out the door and onto the hallway.<br/>He saw him walking out of his life.</p><p>His entire life leaving the apartment for the last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We burnt out, that's what you do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kolaflor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kolaflor/gifts).



> This was written months ago. I just have a lot of feels, and felt the need to write this.  
> If something doesn't fit, _I'm sorry_. There are so many things I'd like to say about this pairing, there are just so many headcanons I've discussed with a certain friend, I just can't assure you everything will make sense. This is like the OTP that could never be.
> 
> Set in Juny/July of the present year.

 

 

Fernando was smoking a cigarette on his apartment’s balcony when someone knocked at his door twice. It took him by surprise, it was early in the morning and he wasn’t expecting anyone that day. He pressed what was left of the cigarette to the bottom of his ashtray and made his way to the door.

He was about to open the door when there were other knocks. “Yeah, I’m here, I’m coming,” he said, unlocking the door with laziness. He felt dazzled and had to blink a few times to realise that was real.

 

“Morning.” Llorente was standing in front of him, beautiful as ever. He’d had a new haircut, and was wearing a light blue t-shirt that suited him just fine.

Fernando smiled. He was astonished, and he could tell it showed in his face judging by Llorente’s funny expression. “Hi,” he managed to say.

 

Llorente grabbed him by the shoulders softly dragging him into the hallway, the cheeky smile still on his face. He gave Fernando no time to fully process what was going on. Then Llorente wrapped his arms around Fernando, who, despite being surprised to see the man there, didn’t have to waste another heartbeat to return the hug. He relaxed with Llorente’s touch. It felt so natural, like Llorente’s body perfectly fit against his own.

In the last months the few times Llorente had shown in his apartment’s door were at night, and he’d usually leave early the next morning. They were used to go to Llorente’s more often, maybe because it was closer to the stadium or any other reason, Fernando didn’t really know nor care.

 

“You were smoking?” Llorente asked making a disgusted face when he broke the hug, leaving one of his hands on Fernando’s shoulders, but didn’t give Fernando the chance to reply. “You know how much I hate when you do that, _macho_. Smoking doesn’t do you any good…”

 _As if you really cared_ , Fernando thought yet forced smile. “What can I do about it,” he said with a shrug.

“Are you gonna let me in, or…?”

“Um, sure” Fernando mumbled, moving to a side so Llorente could walk into his apartment. He closed the door and turned to look at him moving across the room, standing still. “I just— I didn’t expect to see you today.”

“Oh,” Llorente muttered as he wandered around the kitchen. He grabbed himself a glass of water and settled on one of the aisle’s chairs. “It’s, well—…” he muttered, the tone of his voice making Fernando shift a bit nervous on his spot. Instead of finishing his sentence, Llorente took a sip of the glass and pointed at the spot in front of him. “Get a bit closer, Fer.”

 

Fernando did. He gave a few steps before reaching the aisle and sat right where Llorente had pointed at. He looked into Llorente’s eyes, and suddenly he felt a void in his stomach, sensing something was wrong. “Is there something wrong?”

 

“No, there’s nothing wrong…” Llorente replied, “…or at least I hope so,” he added with a chuckle.

Fernando didn’t find it funny, though, he only grew more anxious as seconds passed by. It might be nothing, but Llorente wouldn’t swing by his apartment early in the morning if it wasn’t important. And clearly, his intentions weren’t fucking him, which was the main reason for Llorente to even set foot into his apartment. Fernando rubbed his hands in front of him, waiting for him to speak.

“So?”

“Well, after thinking an awful lot about it, I’ve decided to leave today,” was Llorente’s answer. Fernando felt a shiver run down his spine, and for a moment he thought he’d mishear the information. As if Llorente could read his mind, he added, “I’ve come to say goodbye.”

“Oh,” was all Fernando managed to say. His hands were ice cold, his stomach felt emptier than ever, and everything around him felt meaningless. It was still May, and he wasn’t ready for that. _Damn_ , he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready for seeing Llorente for what felt the last time in a long period of time, but right now it just felt as if they’d thrown a bucket of cold water on him.

 

He figured he had to say something, but the words wouldn’t leave his throat. He wasn’t sure if he had to congratulate Llorente for the amazing signing or just laugh and wish him the best, but the thing he was sure of was that the way he felt wasn’t the way he should be feeling.

“My first official appearance as a Juventus player will be in a couple of weeks, but I’ve decided it would be wiser to leave Bilbao now because, you know, I gotta get familiar with the city and I need to practice my _italiano_ ,” Llorente explained, smirking as he said the last word with an interesting accent.

 

At another time, at another place, that smirk would fix whatever Llorente could say to hurt him, but now it didn’t have its normal effect on Fernando. It only felt like a thousand of knives digging hard on his lower back. “Sure,” he said, even if he didn’t know how he’d been able to. He wanted to say so many things, but he was certain that if he say another word his voice would crack and he’d end up sobbing in front of Llorente, something he had promised himself he wouldn’t do.

 

“Well…” Llorente muttered, drinking what was left of the water on his glass. He stood from the chair and walked over to the sink, leaving the glass there. “I came here because I truly wanted to let you know how much I love you and how thankful I am of all these years. And that I’m going to miss you.”

Fernando got to his feet in a heartbeat when he noticed Llorente was now standing next to him. The next thing he knew was Llorente’s arms wrapping around him for what was the second time that day, though this time it felt different. Llorente’s touch was softer, one of his hands resting on the back of Fernando’s neck, almost as an invitation to bury his face on the crook of Llorente’s neck. He did, and breathed in the strong smell of cologne on Llorente’s skin.

There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to ask. Why couldn’t he tell him before? Had he said goodbyes to all their other friends? Did he really have to leave now? Was everything just a joke?

He opened his eyes and hated himself when he realised he’d been softly sobbing on Llorente’s shoulders. He also noticed how his hands were strongly grabbing the back of Llorente’s t-shirt, so he let go and with what was left of his will, he tried to break Llorente’s hug.

 

“Fernando…” Llorente softly said and it was weird to hear Llorente calling him by his full name. Fernando noticed that even when he was ready to let go of the hug, Llorente hadn’t moved one bit, so he rounded Llorente’s waist once more. “…I really mean it, _tío_. I’ll miss you like crazy.” Fernando gave a weak and bitter laugh at that, and he was sure Llorente had known what he meant with it.

“Hey, look at me,” Llorente mumbled, the hand on Fernando’s neck now lifting his head. Fernando felt weak, ashamed. He had made one promise to himself for over the years and now he was breaking it. Llorente’s eyes were blue as ever, and he felt the tears in his eyes ready to burst out. Llorente’s thumb was on his cheek, and he didn’t have option but to look at him. “You’ve been part of my life for over 15 years. It’s not going to be easy for me to get used to the idea you’re not 10 minutes away from where I live,” he said with a smile on his face. Llorente was one of those people who could smile on every occasion, Fernando reckoned.

Still, Fernando couldn’t smile back. He felt numb. It was happening and he wasn’t ready to let him go.

Without further notice, Llorente leaned into him and crashed his mouth against Fernando’s. It was soft, slow, a kiss that made Fernando shiver from head to toe. Between them things had hardly been based on love, on tenderness. Everything used to happen in a hurry and with such passion that Fernando sometimes doubted Llorente could ever be gentle. But this time it was so different to what he was used to. That kiss what different.

 

It was goodbye kiss.

 

He was the one who broke apart. His gaze dropped to the ground, hot tears still on his cheek. Llorente noticed, his thumb softly brushing them away. Fernando closed his eyes, just feeling Fernando’s tender touch, hoping he could treasure the feeling for the rest of his life.

 

“I guess I gotta go now,” Llorente said when they broke the hug. “We’ll keep in touch, alright?” he added, pointing at Fernando’s laptop on top of the living room’s table. “And we’ll surely see each other on summer break, or at any other time.”

“Of course,” Fernando managed to say. He knew he wouldn’t see Fernando in months, that was pretty clear for him. “I hope you spend a good time, Llorente.”

“Yeah, I feel the same about you, man. You will have a great season in England.” Llorente laughed. He opened the door for Fernando and let himself out. “Well…” he murmured and pointed towards the end of the hallway where the elevator was.

 

Then, it hit him.

 

It probably was the last time he had kissed Llorente.  It probably was the last time he’d be that close to him. Llorente was really leaving that precise moment.

 

“Fernando,” he called out for him when Llorente was about to walk away. It might be the last chance he’d get to say it.

He turned around. “Yes?” Llorente smiled widely, his charm strongly present.

“Hombre, _I-…_ ” his voice cracked, the word hanging in the air. Llorente was waiting for something with his lips half parted yet curved into that cheeky grin everyone used to love about him. In the last second he hesitated in what he’d been ready to say for what seemed years. He was holding himself together, and with a deep breath, he said, “I’m really going to miss you.”

For a few seconds Llorente narrowed his eyes, but whatever he was thinking he kept it to himself. “Me too,” he said with a smile. He pulled Fernando into one last hug and Fernando took his time to breath in Llorente’s cologne one last time.

 

Fernando saw Llorente walking out the door and onto the hallway.  
He saw him walking out of his life.

His entire life leaving the apartment for the last time.

The door closed and he turned, back pressed against the wooden fabric, and he fell to the floor. “He-he is gone…” he mumbled to himself, and it really pained him. Fernando covered his mouth with both hands, looking nervously around the room and finally, he sobbed.

 

  
Since that day there was nothing Fernando hated more than goodbyes.  

 


End file.
